Week 7
The Very Excellent Society of Gravekeepers
Lau Tong, the old gravekeeper, arched his eyebrows. ”It has been a long time. Maybe too long.”
“I am still a daughter of this place.”
Lau Tong snorted. “Here, and now – ” He jabbed his index finger on the edge of the stone fence surrounding the ancient graveyard. ” – is not the place you left, Madame Loong.” He folded his arms thrusting out his grizzled chin defiantly.
The old man fixed his gaze on Lotus, the First Wife of the warlord, with an eye accustomed to watching the way people moved around the dead. Some were fearful. A few, secretly delighted, many red eyed and wailing. But always, they wanted something, often the mother’s jewels, the next youngest daughter, or the land. He watched every movement with interest. How they held a gaze, the way they bowed.
But Madame Loong, she was a puzzle.
Lau Tong saw before him a pale faced woman wrapped in expensive silks, her black eyes glittering as she spoke. It was always this way once the young village girls became wives or concubines of the warlord living on the other side of the main gate. His ears were surprised by the cold edge in her voice.
She looked at him sharply. “We both share – respect for certain traditions, shall we say.”
“We?”
She ignored the challenge in his voice.
“We, the Loong family, Lau Tong.”
Lau Tong spit on the ground. “Your traditions. Your privileged ways. What about us? The ones left outside the gate?
“You belong to the honorable profession in charge of customs concerning the dead. My family – ” Lotus chose her words carefully. ” – values respect for their ancestors. I wonder if you do.”
“What are you saying, Madam Loong?” Lau Tong stiffened, his hands clenched at his side.
“There was a poem, Lau Tong. A couplet. My husband wrote it when she – ” Lotus glared, her lips tightening as she spoke, ” – when Jade died.”
The old gravekeeper failed to hide a startled look. The warlord’s love affair with Jade, the poet’s daughter was no secret. She was his First Love, and only love, leaving behind two baby girls in the care of Lotus, his First Wife. His marriage to Lotus dutifully arranged at birth and aligned by horoscopes, was blessed and approved by the village matchmakers. But, loveless. He lowered his eyes and murmured, “No poem. Only names in family book.”
He knows. Who else? Lotus stared at him with a triumphant flicker in her dark eyes, her delicately painted lips curved in a hard smile.
“Ah, that is where I will look first. When can I see the book?”
Lau Tong frowned and scratched the back of his neck. “Not for me to decide, Madam” he said, clearing his throat dismissively. ”Only Society Chairman can see to that. These things have to be – arranged.”
As he leaned forward and unlatched the gate to leave, Lotus stepped in front of him placing her hand on the edge and firmly closed it with a soft click.
“I am well acquainted with the ways of the The Very Excellent Society of Grave Keepers. If the Chairman can provide me with access, he can be certain I will be grateful for his efforts.” She took her hand off the gate latch and pulled out a velvet purse heavy with gold coins. Then, with unmistakeable menace in her silky tones, “You would be wise not to disappoint me, Lau Tong.”
Lau Tong took a deep breath and glanced around. His wizened fingers clutched the purse hungrily – a Mandarin money pouch, heavy in musical fortune. Lotus watched him pluck out a coin, put it between his teeth and bite it. He gave her a crooked smile and thrust the bag into the pocket of his tattered vest. His shovel clattered to the ground.
32 Comments
I like your suspenseful usage of vocabulary,(ex; the old grave keeper failed to hide a startled look.) It set the mood and tone of the whole story and describes the plot by also using imagery.
Does Jades death symbolize something?
thank you, i am glad you enjoyed the mood and setting.
I like this week because you can really picture whats happening in the story. Also there’s a lot of emotion, I think that is really good to use in your writing. For example when it says “her black eyes glittering as she spoke” I could picture creepy, big, black eyes glittering.
descriptive imagery is really powerful, a good thing to have in your writing.
You’re stories are getting better by the week. I thought that you portrayed and described the “pale faced women” with great detail. I really saw her in my mind.
thanks! i am glad you can see the characters so clearly.
A strange pair meet at the graveyard, talking of business: Lotus, he warlord’s first love. speak bitterly with the grave digger, Lau Tong. When hard cash passes between them, promises are made, perhaps too dark promises. Time will tell if they are kept.
you wrote a great pitch about the story!
I liked how you used dialogue throughout the story including descriptive language, and suspense leaving you with questions till the end.
thank you for you comment. I like using dialogue as a way to give you a sense of how the characters think,
This weeks story, to me, was one of the most interesting stories. I love how the conflict between Madam Loong and Lau Tong.
Conflict is a great way to bring out characters
I imagine gravekeepers would be considered a “society.” That is a very significant title indeed. Also, time seems to be symbolic, as evident from the opening dialogue.
Great comment .
in some cultures, death is addressed in very different ways. I like to imagine those who take care of the dead are an esteemed part of society.
The way the italics are used to show that it(the story) takes place in a later time is a pretty peculiar way to convey the story.
there are many ways to show flashbacks in telling a story. I prefer using italics so that you can see visually right away that this part of the story takes place in a different time or place.
It is kind of as if the story is turning its plot from a ghost story to a conspiracy theory. Bribes, creepy men, and secret societies make this possible. I wonder what is taking place. It is probably an underground sanctum or something.
intrigue, secrets, conspiracy are all part of living – and dying.
6 Word Challenge
Spooky, Piano, Mystery, Tutors, Gravediggers Society
i think you got it all!
I like how you brought up Jade’s death towards the ending of the story. It set a suspense mood, and made me want to continue reading.
-MarieRose Apice
thanks for your comment. suspense is the best page cliffhanger.
i like the way you used such descriptive language to create your setting. You also used it to create the mood.
thank you, i love how descriptive language can set the mood and scene in your mind.
When you see the word Gravekeepers’ in the title it makes you wonder who the gravekeeper is and what that person has to do with the story.This part of the story unfolds more of how the Loong family fits into the story. But i don’t understand some of the characters and what they have to do with the story.
keep reading. little clues will appear in each story so eventually the ending pulls everything together.
I enjoy reading your weekly stories, but i wish this story could be a little more scarier, to have me falling off the edge of my seat. I will admit I can not wait to read more on this story.
i know you like all that scary stuff. keep reading!
In the beginning it was a little confusing for me to understand what was going on but in the end you left me wondering what’s going to happen next. I loved it!
thanks!
The flashbacks made me curious into pulling all the pieces together like a puzzle to help you create the full picture of the moral.